Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
