I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
