So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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