I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
