My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize