you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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