ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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