Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
