i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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