What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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