I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
