Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
