I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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