Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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