Your tits are I can't wait for
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
