Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
