Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
