But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
