I think i sorta joined a cult last night
People in love make me want to vomit
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
