Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
