your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
