You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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