Banned from zoo.
Again?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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