I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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