We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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