I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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