if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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