sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize