drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it glows. i had to have it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
