I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
