I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
