You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
