make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
