so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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