I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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