then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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