its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
