I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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