best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
