Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize