just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
