so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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