I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
