I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
