3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
