i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
