Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry about my life...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
