We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
