can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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