Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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