I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I believe in your delicious
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
