I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
