She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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