Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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