I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize