i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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