Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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