he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
