I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
