he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
