so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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