I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
