Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
