New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
