p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
