At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my liver is dry heaving
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
