Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize