My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize