So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
