I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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