i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
