my mouth tastes like poor choices
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
