The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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