A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
