I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
